A new look at an old tradition

There’s a saying circulating around yoga classes and pod casts these days, “Show up for yourself.” Think about it for a minute. What would it mean to show up for yourself, to step up to the plate.

New Year’s Eve has come and gone, often along with our best intentions to make a healthy change in our lives. It’s so disheartening to break promises to ourselves so many of us simply refuse to make New Year’s resolutions any more. We decide that it’s the making of resolutions that’s the problem.

But perhaps it’s not the making of the resolution that’s the problem.

Perhaps the problem is that it’s so hard sometimes to take the time to really act in our own best interest.

After all, the New Year’s resolutions we make are typically good for us. After all, who makes a New Year’s resolution to drink more this year, or to quit exercising?

No, we make New Year’s resolutions to do things that are good for us.

We decide to quit smoking, reduce our alcohol consumption, lose weight, exercise regularly, or spend more time with loved ones or our hobbies. We all want to do things that are in our best interest, so why is it so hard?

There’s a saying circulating around yoga classes and pod casts these days, and it’s “to show up for yourself.”

Think about that for a minute. What would it mean to show up for yourself, to step up to the plate and go to bat for yourself?

It might mean being present and engaged in your life, making choices that enhance your life, not choices that make your life more difficult. It might mean paying attention to what you like and don’t like, to what brings you joy and what brings you sadness.

Imagine a life in which, more often than not, you showed up for yourself? Why is this simple concept, which is what we all want, so hard to do?

One reason it’s so difficult to show up for ourselves, is because it means making ourselves a priority.

Each day we are pulled in many different directions with significant demands placed on us for our time, energy, and resources. Is it any wonder we end up last on our list of priorities?

With the busy lives we lead, it’s easy to lose sight of what we really need and want. Instead of making choices that honor and reflect who we are and what we want, we make choices based on what’s quick and easy.

In order to show up for ourselves, we need to be in touch with what we actually do want. So often our busy lives keep us reacting rather than reflecting.

We become disconnected from our wants, needs, and desires. We reactively attend to the many demands of life without giving it much thought. We impulsively fill voids and desires in the moment without thinking about the long term consequences.

Having that third drink, lighting up a cigarette, or reaching for that second helping of dessert meets a temporary desire, but it does little to meet our true desires.

Showing up for ourselves means being kind to ourselves and putting an end to constant selfcriticism and unrealistic demands for perfection.

It means no longer putting ourselves last or acting like what we want, need or think doesn’t matter.

To really show up for ourselves, we have to know ourselves. Showing up means different things to different people. For one person, showing up for yourself means sleeping in on the weekend and giving your body a much needed rest.

For another person, showing up for yourself, means getting out of bed early to go for a run. You need to be tuned in to show up.

When we tune in to what’s best for us, it’s easier to make wise choices. When we are tuned into ourselves, we are more likely to take time for the things that give us joy. We nurture our souls as well as our bodies.

When we truly show up for ourselves, we stop looking for simple solutions to complex problems. We plan for success, rather than set ourselves up for failure. We stop comparing ourselves to others and focus on what’s right for us.

If you have already broken your New Year’s resolution, don’t despair.

Instead, consider how you might show up for yourself. Instead of making quick promises to yourself that over-simplifies the problem, take time to reflect on what you really need.

You matter enough to put a solid plan in place and to seek out supports. You matter enough to ensure you succeed at the things that matter most to you.

Forget the promises to yourself and instead, commit to showing up for yourself more often than not in this year and all the years ahead.

Jenny DeReis, MC Psych, CCC Walmsley and Validity Counselling